I Can't Decide Whether Jameis Winston Is Dumber For Trying To Steal Crab Legs Or For Somehow Getting Caught?

First things first. You have to be the dumbest human in the world to get caught shoplifting at Publix. Like forget how stupid he is to try this in the first place. I don’t care about that. Sometimes you just need crablegs. I’m more disgusted that he actually got caught. I mean I know for a fact I could shoplift anything at any grocery store and not get arrested. I’m talking I could steal a turkey and they’d never know what hit em. You just have to be a complete moron to get caught shoplifting food. Just a total and complete idiot.

But that’s neither here nor there. What is up with the last sentence of this article? In November Burger King reported that James Winston stole soda in a ketchup cup? That is arguably the most bizarre statement I’ve heard in the history of Barstool. I can’t even rap my brain around that. Like how do you even fill a ketchup cup with fountain soda? It comes out too fast right? It would just spill everywhere right?   Actually fuck it.   I’m gonna figure this shit out myself.  That’s the Barstool difference.

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